The joy of missing out
"There are few Australians this year who have escaped the generalised anxiety or very real threat from potential natural disasters," says career coach Airlie Bell*. "We've faced drought, fires and storms. Some people's lives have been devastated. Alongside that is the challenging economic climate. I think many people will be reflecting on 2019 in a sober way."
Whatever is happening in the world at large, the end of the year is an ideal time to take stock of the personal and professional goals we set for ourselves 12 months ago.
"It's very healthy to reflect on what did and didn't happen for us throughout the year in a way that is both realistic and optimistic," Airlie says. "Life is complex and many things happen; a lot can shift in you and in the world in a year. Maybe the things you desired then are not what you desire now, and that's good to know."
No matter how objective we may believe we are, whether it's career or personal setbacks, we have a tendency to think illogically. "We will often over-estimate the things that went wrong and overlook the things that went right," Airlie says. "We can catastrophise things that were not a matter of life or death, and not give ourselves adequate credit for the things we did achieve - like those smaller acts of generosity or kindness, or even sustaining a positive attitude."
According to Airlie's colleague Anna Dellow, an academic success advisor, there is always a lesson to be learned even from the darkest hours. "It's worth looking at why something didn't go right and what you can do to make sure that it doesn't happen again," she says. "It's all about learning from the experiences and seeking to improve."
So how do you conduct a meaningful year in review?
Reflect and record
List your key personal and work-related events and ascribe them a smiley or a sad face to denote a highlight or lowlight. Or perhaps use colour or alpha-numeric codes; whatever style works best for you. Only by recording what has happened can we reflect more deeply on the impact of the events and what they meant to us.
Evaluate
Ask yourself a few hard-hitting questions like:
- What did that event teach me about myself and the world around me?
- What could I have done differently to have achieved a better outcome?
- How will I make best use of what I know now?
- What does each event say about my priorities and notion of success today?
- Who helped me along the way and what do I have to be grateful for?
"It's a good exercise to think about the skills you have used when presented with challenging situations, like resilience and complex problem-solving," says Anna. "Identify the positives that have come from the negatives."
Adopt a growth mindset
"Often, when things don't go according to plan, it's a case of 'not yet', meaning it was the wrong time and we were not quite ready to take full advantage of an opportunity," Airlie says. "Maybe we were missing a key skill, experience or connection to get us where we wanted to go. That can lead to questions around what we need to do to move from 'not yet' to 'now'."
Anna recommends considering what you've done, or failed to do, to maintain good physical and mental health and wellbeing (including sleep, nutrition and exercise). "Also recall the supports you may have had in your life to help you get through a difficult time, like family and friends and even mentors at work," she says. "We can control some things in our life to help move to a more positive mindset."
Embrace change
Spending time reflecting on your achievements - and disappointments - can have unexpected benefits. "Sometimes reflection can reveal that it's not a case of 'not yet' but also 'not this'," Airlie says. "Perhaps your dream goal has shifted. The trap with plans and goals is that when you set them on New Year’s Eve you feel obliged to hold on to them for the whole year. But life is never static. Circumstances change. We change. Sometimes we don't want that dream goal anymore and we need to give ourselves permission to let it go and discover what it is we want now."
*Airlie Bell leads the Bespoke Career Concierge Team at UNE that comprises Anna Dellow and Kate Pardy.
