Feeling emotional?
The ups and downs, the restrictions and permissions, the fear and relief of the coronavirus pandemic is playing havoc with our emotions. Understanding how we're reacting - and why - can not only help us through this crisis; it can also promote healthy, supportive relationships with others, as psychology researcher Nicola Schutte explains.
"We have never experienced anything like this before; we're dealing with multiple challenges concerning our health, livelihoods and way of life, and it's a high-stress period," says Nicola, an Associate Professor in the School of Psychology at the University of New England. "Many people are making changes in their work and family lives that are inducing stress, and this directly impacts how we feel. This is natural. But if we seek to better understand how we and others around us are responding, then we can respond more effectively."
Nicola has widely studied the concept of emotional intelligence - the way we perceive, understand and regulate emotions in ourselves and in others. In our personal relationships and workplaces, under normal circumstances, she's found that people with higher emotional intelligence generally enjoy better mental health, are more engaged and more satisfied with their lot.
"It starts with understanding how emotions come about, and what events trigger positive or negative feelings," Nicola says.
We can then learn how to harness and regulate those emotions, so we can cope with the pressures we are facing and show better support for one another.
Why does emotional intelligence matter so much right now?
Extraordinary times such as this demand that we be even more watchful and perceptive. Hunkered down with family members, tensions can flare; and physical separation from work colleagues can make understanding their complex emotions that little bit harder - even over Skype or Zoom.
"Often we are able to recognise other peoples' emotions through their facial expressions, gestures and body movements, but that's less available to us working remotely," Nicola said. "However, our emotional intelligence competencies are extremely important at this time, to help down-regulate any negative emotions we might be feeling and to show empathy for what others are experiencing. It's a way of demonstrating leadership."
When it comes to our interactions with others, empathy is the key. "This is a time to be sensitive to what might be on other people's minds, even though they might not come right out and express it," Nicola said. "Think about what their emotions might be in that situation. Sometimes asking a few questions and delving a bit further can be useful in providing support. Studies have found, including some of ours, that higher emotional intelligence is linked to greater empathy for others."
The wonderful thing is that emotional intelligence can be learned and constantly developed. But how?
- Take notice
Stop and notice how you are feeling and what might have triggered the emotion. You may need to physically withdraw from a situation, or take a step back in your mind to get a wider perspective.
"We are often so busy with other things that we don't always notice how we are feeling or attend to how others are feeling, but we have this unparalleled opportunity right now to slow down and pay more attention," Nicola says. "In our families, there will be a lot more close interaction, so it's a great time to take the time to recognise emotions in others."
- Do something different
Once you are more aware of the emotions you or others are experiencing, and how they may have developed, practice managing them differently.
"We learn emotional intelligence by observing those around us who have those skills, through focussed practice and by seeking feedback on our own efforts," Nicola says. "Practice is important. It can help to journal every day, and record how things worked out, how you felt about the results and others' reactions."
- Be mindful
"There's a strong association between greater emotional intelligence and greater mindfulness," Nicola says. "One of the ways we can draw on our emotional capabilities is to induce mindfulness - a state of non-judgemental awareness. When we are feeling emotional pressure, being in a mindful state can allow us to take a step back, so we are more aware of what we are experiencing and can feel less overwhelmed."
- Keep practising
"Over time, by building on what you have learned and observing the outcomes, new behaviours start to become ingrained," Nicola says. "Ask for feedback from people you trust on how you handled a situation, to get a neutral observer's perspective.
"And keep trying. It's a matter of building the emotional muscle and making it an ongoing process of skill development. There is constant possibility for personal growth, and we need emotional intelligence now more than ever."
