In the second part of our series on kindness in the workplace, Dr Jim Page* responds to some questions on how to be a kind leader or manager.
UNE Adjunct Professor, Dr James Page.
Can a person be kind and still command respect?
Good question. In instances where one is obliged to take a decision or do things that would appear to be negative for another person, one can seek to mitigate the impact of that adverse decision.
Let me give an example. In the 1980s I was involved in a prison literacy program in regional Queensland, and I was interested to learn that a judge who had sentenced a young man to a substantial prison term (for murder) subsequently visited the young man in prison, to see how he was adjusting to his new life and to see if he could do anything to assist. The prisoner told me about this, not the judge.
It was a small thing to do, but it made an impact. The young man could see that the judge cared for him, despite the fact that he had been obliged to sentence him to a lengthy prison term. The judge commanded respect, because he had followed his duty but nevertheless showed kindness.
Are kindness and power mutually exclusive?
No, I don’t think so. We normally think of power in terms of domination, but a commitment to being kind can serve as a demonstration of personal power. Perhaps it is useful to think in terms of leadership rather than power. Traditionally, we think of leaders as people who dominate.
However, by showing that we can be vulnerable and human, perhaps we can be more effective leaders. Similarly, modelling desired conduct can be a form of providing leadership.
After all, we all learn most effectively from example.
What advice would you give in framing difficult management conversations in a kind way?
I’d suggest honesty about the limitations of one’s role is important. For instance, if a manager's role sometimes involves terminating the employment of another person, then it may be helpful to be honest about that and explain the decision as much as possible. Of course, there is the qualification that being honest about the limitations of one’s role does not necessarily make what a person is doing ethically or morally correct.
What does kindness look like in the digital age?
Another good question. The impact of digital communication is something that I think we are all coming to terms with.
A historian friend of mine is fond of saying that we all think we know about the impact that the internet is having on our lives – but actually we don’t.
Its impact has been so pervasive and, in historical terms, so rapid that it is difficult to truly grasp.
I think the central challenges of digital communication relates to the fact that some 80% of our communication is normally non-verbal. Therefore, we tend to say things online that we might never say in person – due to the softening and humanising aspects of being in the physical presence of another human being.
Solution? I’m not sure. But one solution is obviously to limit digital communication. Apart from that, we need to be especially mindful in our digital communication of being as considerate of others as possible.
Is there a gender element to kindness?
My thinking is that kindness should not be thought of as the preserve of women; it can be universally demonstrated and received. An ethics of care suggesting that kindness is essentially a feminine or maternal ethic is, in my view, wrong. That stereotyping lets men off the hook.
Interestingly, much popular culture still exalts the tough, unfeeling male. It’s a trope, in my view, and a very dangerous one. Fortunately, I think we are now moving away from that. However, I suspect that many would say not fast enough.
* Dr James Page is an Australian educationist and anthropologist. He is currently an Adjunct Professor in the School of Humanities, Arts and Social Sciences at the University of New England.
Also in this series:
