Taking time out then returning to the workplace when starting a family can be daunting.
Even in a modern workplace, it can take a bit of trial and error to find a workable and satisfying balance between home and work responsibilities within the chaos of family life. And sometimes personal expectations clash with reality. We spoke to a few new mothers at UNE about their experience finding their rhythm back in the workforce.
Dr Katinka van de Ven, Senior Lecturer, Criminology
Katinka has always been ambitious and career-focused, so she couldn’t help but worry that her career might suffer after giving birth to her first son, Sidney, in February 2021.
“When I was pregnant, I had this idea that my career would continue as it was. I thought: babies sleep all the time; I’ll just work while he’s sleeping,” Katinka says.
But the reality of new parenthood really hit home when she was due to attend a four-day conference, which was to take place after five months of parental leave.
“l had invited Professor Adrian Walsh [Professor in Philosophy and Political Theory at UNE, and a father of five] to co-present at the workshop; we’d both previously written on substance use and ethics – the topic of the conference – so I thought we’d make the ideal team.
“I had been determined to take the lead with the workshop – despite Adrian’s gentle warnings that things would probably still be quite intense for me with a young baby – and I felt guilty when I realised I couldn’t do it.”
But with the challenges of adjusting to the demands of parenthood also came the pleasant surprise of the supportive environment she found when she returned to work, enabling her to be a bit more flexible where needed. She particularly credits her mentor, Adrian, with helping her reset her expectations and supporting her as she adjusted to juggling her new commitments as a mum with her workload.
“Adrian offered to attend the workshop alone, but encouraged me to be as involved as I felt I could be. He was a great example of how supervisors need to be and what leadership should be about. This is something I’ll remember when I’m a supervisor,” she says.
While Katinka chose to jump back into full-time work, she has also learnt to be more realistic and forgiving in her expectations of herself.
“I’m able to be honest to other people in setting longer deadlines and starting projects. I’m better now at estimating how much time things can take. Often unexpected things, like illness, result in some deadlines needing to be pushed. I think it’s important to be understanding of that.
“I was probably a bit over-productive before I had children, working all hours. I do think now that if we supervise PhD students, we should teach the importance of work/life balance, whether they have children or not.
“Initially my fear about returning to work was that people wouldn’t understand my changed circumstances and that my career would take a hit. But I’ve since learnt you can still have a very successful career, even with children.”
Dr Lili Pâquet, Lecturer, Writing
Lili says it was a little easier returning to work after her second baby, Beatrix (Betty), born in July 2020, as she felt “a lot more relaxed” and knew what to expect from parenthood. Still, there were some apprehensions.
“I was a bit worried about my ability to function on less sleep, and that I wouldn’t be able to remember things because I was so tired.”
There are also plenty of everyday complications to work around.
“My on-campus colleagues in Writing, Rose and Sophia, have been so understanding of my need to be a bit more flexible – especially as soon as Betty started daycare and would be regularly sent home sick. I often have to ask, 'can we do that meeting via Zoom?' Sometimes I’m there on mute with a screaming baby.”
It has been particularly helpful as well that a few close colleagues, like Sophie Patrick (French), also have kids the same age, and have even been able to jump in to help, such as picking up Lili’s older child from daycare so she could make it for an out-of-town specialist appointment for Betty.
What has perhaps been most surprising for Lili, is how understanding students have been.
“There were two times last year when my daughter was sick with hand, foot, and mouth disease and I had to say to students, ‘I’m really sorry, my daughter is sick. I might be a bit slow in responding, and the lecture might be up online a little late.
“They were really understanding, I even had feedback from some students saying they appreciated I set boundaries – which was quite affirming! I think sometime we put the pressure on ourselves to be available 24/7.”
Overall – while it is a bit of a juggle – Lili has found her groove.
“I have to finish work early, and I can’t come in as early, so I have less time to do the same amount of work. You learn how to be very efficient and prioritise, and to put less importance on the little things. And I keep lists, so I don’t forget things!”
Her advice to others?
“Slow down, don’t stress too much, give yourself a break. Don’t try to be everything to everyone. And spend time with your kids; they grow up so fast!”
Dr Jo Bird, Senior Lecturer, Early Childhood Education
As an early childhood educator and now as an academic who conducts research in early childhood education, Jo thought she knew children, and parenting. “I thought I would be so different as a parent! I certainly didn’t appreciate the reality of having twins who work together and against me!”
Jo had twin boys, Callum and Declan, in June 2020, and returned to work part-time, initially three days a week, following 12 months of parental leave.
She says while people across the School of Education have been supportive, particularly those who have worked as mothers themselves, moving to part-time was a bit of an adjustment for everyone.
“I just had to explain again and again that there were days I couldn’t work, and I couldn’t attend meetings or anything like that on those days.”
But it’s her expectations of herself she has found hardest to manage.
“I have very high expectations of myself and I’m quite hard on myself when I don’t meet them. Pre-kids, if I didn’t finish something, I’d stay back and finish it. Now I can’t do that; things have to wait.
“I also thought I would sleep better and the boys would sleep better, and I didn’t appreciate the impact the exhaustion would have on trying to concentrate on things, and on how productive I’d be.
“I have to try and live by my new mantra, ‘this will do for now’.”
Jo has developed some practical strategies for herself to help her through the “brain fog” during the day.
“I try to schedule things for the morning when I’m fresher, but nothing at 9am. Even though I manage to get to work by 8.30am most days, if I really need to be out the door for a work meeting at 9, that’s when the toddlers will dig their heels in!
“I find it’s also important to take 10 minute walks during the day just to get some fresh air and clear my head. And I keep a list to show myself what I have achieved in a day, to remind myself I am doing ok!”
Jo finds being gentle on herself in her home life is critical to managing her working days.
“I also don’t expect too much of myself on the nights when I work. We eat frozen meals and watch TV in the evenings on those days. I imagined I’d have more energy to play, but this routine is something I have to accept.”
While it’s something she has struggled to do herself, her advice for other new mothers at work is to “go easy on yourself.”
“It is hard, the whole balancing/juggling act!”
