(Note: This is an unofficial tour diary and all events mentioned are as recollected by team members, thus this is a disclaimer in the event of anyone finding this material offensive)

Day 1: Saturday

After starting…(sorry just got falconed) at a ridiculous hour in the morning, the day got better and better with some team bonding, mini soccer, McDonalds, car chasing and beer…and that was all before the plane ride. Most memorable so far was the Brains explosion of trying to follow Stormin from in front on our trek through Brisbane.

The plane ride was fairly cramped and uneventful apart from the apprentice picking up a horrid red virgin t-shirt (from the team for his birthday) in the smallest "Jemma" style. After the plane ride the team got together for some more mini soccer and team bonding, which was followed by a swim where the call of "hit him" was predominant in a game of some sort of water polo.

The evening started as a few quiet beers at a local pub…that Seaview Lager is lethal stuff. The night changed dramatically however with the introduction of the Karaoke that was requested ad nauseum by Simmofski and our new team mate Spida. The Karaoke was atrocious, out of tune and out of time and the night was only saved by the Nurses, the old lesbo chicks, and our destructive Karaoke efforts. Also noteworthy was Brendo's new friendship with the head of the local Bikie gang. Brains and Spida got banned from Karaoke and Nil All got his first off field goal (later ruled as a negative point) for the most disgraceful public pash in UNE football history.

TOP WORK TIGERS!!!

Day 2: Sunday

A seedy Sunday morning began with a summons to attend a meeting of the UNE team. Thank god the bad behaviour discussed wasn't ours….However note was taken of the non-attendance of Stormin, the Apprentice, and 50%, at this compulsory meeting.

The team went for Breakfast at Red Rooster and just missed out on a sponsorship deal, despite our best efforts at negotiation. We are all worried about how we are going to cope with the heat though and have decided that we probably should train. Still wondering where TC, T4, and T5 are. Everyone was soon found and some training was taken care of. Brains nearly lost his pants, we saw some great bombing displays, and then had to go to the opening ceremony.

The opening ceremony was highlighted by Simmofski and Yves enthusiastic walk past on behalf of the team, and the wait for a cab….thanks Sport UNE.

The cab ride return involved the Tigers inflicting major harm on the local psyche, with one bloke just not coping and running a red light, and another woman scarred for life by one team members invitation to take her daughter. Also calls of "Who the F+@# is Alfie flowed…we then watched the State of Origin and found out….. Nil All (Pash Boy) was then excited to the point of distraction by the discovery of the women's team later in the evening. However a quiet night was (allegedly) had by all as we had to play the next morning. No stories of any ridiculous antics have surfaced about this night so far.

Day 3: Monday

The first day of play, and we started a little bit slowly, being down to QUT (who ended up coming like last) after 10 minutes. However, the rest of the game was a can opening session and we were unlucky not to win drawing the match 2-2. The second game of the day was a mega can opening session, with a 3-0 (should have been 4-0) win over USQ. The football highlight of the tournament so far was the second UNE goal, which was the goal of the tournament. Also notable was lazy-boy for both the farmer take out, and the falcon save…..as well as the little bathroom incident later in the evening (which happened to earn him a much coveted orange stubby holder).

I don't really remember the evening session, so the rest of the facts come from 2nd hand information. Apparently Simmofski had a blinder (for almost all the wrong reasons), Jase got some (1-1 as he scored during the day and his off field count was restarted), Mario f&*#ing snores, lazy-boy became the human bath plug, and "eating is cheating." XXX came home and asked, "What happened here?" "What's that smell?" and "Who drank all my f*$#ing beer?" Answers to these questions come from Nil All (Q's 1 and 2) and 50% (Q 3).

Day 4: Tuesday

The starting time of noon was very agreeable to the tigers, and particularly those tigers who had had a few the night before. Our first game was against last years winners, CQU, and was viewed as an opportunity to knock them out of the competition. In a torrid, but typical uni games affair UNE got home 1-0. The decisive moment came when Farmboy whipped in a sublime cross for Skeletor to spectacularly finish.

The 2nd match was against the hosts, JCU (1), who had been knocked out by UNE the previous year in a penalty shootout. This year the match was again a closely fought physical affair, with JCU scoring the winning goal in the 3rd minute of injury time (in a set time match), after being fortunate to keep 11 men on the pitch after some awful defending. The UNE strikers finished the game battered and bruised after the meat head JCU backs had kicked the crap out of them for 50 minutes. The loss however has fired UNE up and hone the competitive spirit of the boys for the Q/F and S/F round to be played tomorrow.

The night was quiet for most of the boys, although there was some great team bonding out our private team dinner (not to be confused with the UNE team dinner that we didn't get a table at). We have however learnt not to take off field direction from Stormin', who we also learnt has slippery fingers where women are concerned. We would like to thank UNE team management for the well organized team dinner, the floor was an excellent table, and Molly Malones for actually looking after us…even if it wasn't in the Tiger Bar.

Day 5: Wednesday

Today presented us with the chance to secure a medal and qualify for Sydney. We took this chance in both hands. In the morning we came up against an improved Bond (Rich kids) outfit. We dominated the match completely in all aspects, except on the scoreboard with Bond managing to hold us out until Yves unleashes "the midfield bomb" (…WHAT A GOAL) in the last minute, embarrassing the keeper and putting UNE into the semis. The scoring was not finished however as UNE rammed home their dominance of the match with a goal 30 seconds later.

UNE however had the decisive chance and after some well worked football managed to put Nil All in for a tap in past Spida…After Spida had previously had to deny him in a situation where UNE maybe should have given UQ the ball back from a drop ball.

At full time the team realized what a huge win it was, and that we had done our job and reacted accordingly on Wednesday night. What a night… Singing, drinking and dancing for all the boys who made it out. It was made all the more sweet by the downcast looks and behavior of the very pissed UQ boys. Also numerous Tigers got some off field action….nice work boys…The Tigers were THIRSTY DOGS….It was all good.

Day 6: Thursday

Many of the lads felt a little bit seedy on Thursday morning after the consumption of the lethal combination of Seaview Lager and Thirsty Dog had enticed them the night before. Also numerous Team members, including the soon to turn 21 "poo" had awoken with tattoos having appeared on various parts of their bodies over the week…..bloody thirsty dog. The slight hangovers are not an issue thought as we are going to Sydney and we have until 1:30pm to recover. We got to the ground early the cheer on the girls and Spida…but the Mex dickhead was playing so they lost.

What a crazy awesome bunch of tigers.

It wasn't the best day on the pitch for UNE either with the Girls losing to UQ after a horrid penalty decision…which led to a well sung verse of "who's you father" from the Tigers. The men also went down to USQ in the gold medal play off. We went down 3-1 in a match that we never really got up for. There were some good performances by the boys and we scored a quality goal with some good football. We just made a couple of silly mistakes and got punished by a good team on a good day for them. It isn't as bad to lose as it might be however as we are going to Sydney and the USQ boys generally are a good bunch of blokes. We will have beers with them after we beat them down there.

Us playing football at the wrong end of the pitch...

MEDALISTS AND SYDNEY BOUND - "TOP WORK TIGERS"

Mainly because of us it looks like being the first Australian Uni games in a long time with UQ. We are all slowly getting up for some celebrations when we reach Brizzy but it is a struggle as everyone is tired….we have to however as it is the poo's birthday tomorrow….(hence the acquisition of another Virgil….Virgin t-shirt)….Oh yeah and WE got SILVER!!!

On our return to Brisbane the logistical nightmare began…our 1st choice accommodation was unavailable, our city navigation and co-ordination was terrible, and some tempers started to fray. However everything was sorted out (kind of) and we all went (in groups) our separate ways. Some of the boys got sleep and some of the boys had a few quiet (and very smooth) Irish beers. Life is good with a medal around your neck...

it must be a real shameful feeling for those boys who decided to go and play with other clubs at the start of this season?